Saturday, November 1, 2008


Its been two years in chennai,yet i have to find a friend here.I am always wondering about the definition of a friend and a stranger,almost all of us have spent and will be spending most of our time with strangers(yeah i know,you may raise question about my substitution of strangers to friends,at the end of the blog you may find an answer or a question).

I can still see some blurred images of my early school life,from KG to where i started to use pen.I can still recall every name of my classmates,their faces,their habits,even their tastes to some extent,we had some of the best moments of our lives like any other,but I dont have touch with any of them now,i never bothered to get in touch with them,and i never felt the void of their absence even for a single moment.Why i didnt care to see them again,i cudnt able to come with an answer.May be its because,i moved to another school,may be i relocated,may be i hardly had any time to see them,but these are just excuses to me,the truth is i have found the new environment and the new people more pleasing than what i am used to.Do we care about our old friends till we make new friends?.

Even when i bump into any one of them,instead of talking about our past we just compare with others just to confirm that thank god we are not like that loser,we have got some thing to cheer for,what happened to us,when did this disgusting thought creeped into our minds,why we always talk about the losers among us,actually i enjoyed talking about them,it just made me feel a lot better,why we never bothered to talk about the person who went ahead us,(we can find some reason to bring down him though)why theres a fear of talking about a successful friend?.

We know that we cant be even with everybody,so we always find reasons to get even,it may be money,job,anything,if any person has more than what we have,we just jump onto another,and we just move on.Its the same with my High School friends,my college friends.If we find a friend whos living a life lower than us,we approach him with a big smile and full of heart,but if we see another friend whos living a successful life than us,we will try our best to avoid him.Because we only know that he will do the same to us as what we did to others.

I can honestly say that,i had few dear friends.But i never had some one to whom i can share the inner real of me.I cant understand the notion of close friends.I am eager to know what are the things that will be shared by close friends,how they behave.Its just seems impossible for me to have a close friend.How can i have a close friend without understanding the definition of friend in first place.

What are friends for?why do we call some people as friends and not others.How do we pick friends?On what traits we choose someone as friends?.
On loyalty,behavior,attitude,taste,appearance,or we'll become friends since we cant get rid of them.I hardly see any friends,where one friend is higher in the hierarchy of life where another one is in the lower level.Everywhere i see,people are always seen with people they can be even with.

I know a group of guys probably about my age in my apartment,they always seem to be happy n enjoying,They go to movie together,they hangout together,even they tour together,But i can strongly see that there is no emotional connection between them,with an absence of a guy,everyone else will have a try to lower his personality of any way we can imagine.To be frank,this is what i was doing with my so called friends.If any one o them leaves by any chance,no one will feel the absence of him,a new guy will join,and they will start to do the same thing.This kind of friendship is what i see mostly now.

One day one of my friends called me and said that he called me since he was bored.Are we choosing friends just as an alternative to a T.V remote or to a music system.This city sucks to the core.Everyone behaves like you dont have to trust me,and i dont have to trust you.Most of them even dont have the basic courtesy of saying "Hi, & GoodBye".

The reason behind this blog was an incident which happened few months ago.That incident made to question some of my strong beliefs and perceptions about life.After attending an interview,i was on my way to catch the bus.And i got to know that i didnt have any change,nothing but a hundred rupee,and i know how the chennai conductors will love you when you give a hundred rupee and ask for a ticket.So,i thought of having a juice so that i an get some change.And i saw one of my college mates,he was sitting in front of me for about 2 years in the college,we were just "Hi,Bye" Frnds,actually i used to ignore him,the college i studied in was a minority college,and he belongs to that minority class,i was having a prejudice against them since they got the seat easier,and i thought most of them didnt deserve the seat.He was about to have his juice,he didnt notice me,i was first one to say "hi".Without any hesitation,he just handed the glass to me and said "mapla juice kudida".I said no da,i got to change this hundred rupee,so only i came here,he said "how much do you want",and he gave me the change of about 12 rs.I was embarrassed tp the core,why did he do that,he did not act as a friend,he was being as human as possible,he saw a guy drenched in sweat whos wandering in the scorching heat and he offered him a drink.And he even called one of his friend regarding my job.i want to mention few of my other friends here,as i was searching my job for the past six months and i gota know about every company in chennai related to my field,and i gave my demo reel to a company and they said that theres no opening for your position(Yeah,i was always been the luckiest person),but theres opening for other departments,so i forwarded this to my friend,he hasnt heard abt the company name itself,and i forgot the matter.Two months later,i have found that he has been working for the company for the past one month,he did not even cared to call me and convey the matter,yeah he got his job because of his talent only but if i had not told him he would have been still jobless,because there were only few position n the competition was very stiff.I dont want a treat or sweet just a call,just a thanks.Phew,and another friend,i helped to move his house,he was doing some kind of furniture business and i helped him to move the furniture to the customers houses(I wont pick a tumbler in my house)i helped him in all the possible ways you could imagine,but he made fun of me,he made me a fool.He is a chameleon,i see mostly these kind of people here,the irony is that even if they got cheated by someone,they dont care much.

Where was i,yeah,my college mate,since then i am asking this question to my self,i am searching for a friend but did i ever behave like a good friend,how many precious friendships i would have lost because of my bad behaviors.I dont know whether i'll get a good friend or not,but i'll try to be a good friend,even i may fail to find a good friend,as i read in "You can win",to find a a tiny gold you have to move mountains of stones,i will be keep looking,thats all i can do.Then there is another question,How can i'll be a Good Friend?,to me,by being grateful.And its not about repaying your debts,its about remembering you owe them.